How do you break up a torrid, steamy affair between a highly sensitive 4-year old and his beloved reeking diaps? The answer to this icky situation is gum.The old M&M trick worked well enough to get him to initially saddle up, sit, and squirt a few times when we thought he might pee. But holy shit and blessed piss, our big boy Kelly still doesn’t mind, even prefers, crapping and peeing in his pants to making doo and wee in the can. He’ll play away all day in soiled pants or a diap hanging heavy, saturated with pee – the old ten pounder, I call it. He doesn't care or seem to mind one bit.
What do we do now parenting book pundits? I can’t seem to find your informative, oh-so-easy, five-point plan for solving this challenge. Yes, the chapter on how to crush a boy meets diaper love affair has not been written. The parenting books say, potty training is tough; it will take patience, dear parent, but don’t fret, they’ll “get it” in a few weeks, a few months at most - just use a sticker chart, and loads of positive encouragement, but do not make too big of a deal about his successes. Too much praise will cause pressure and may cork him up tight.
We tried every trick in their books. Bribery with toys and candy: nope. We attempted the old school, cold-turkey route saying, “Ok, Kelly, you’re four and such a big boy. No more diapers – just do it, kid.” We marched him down stairs in his big boy undies and he promptly wet his pants and rolled logs of hot poo down his pant leg and on to the hardwood. “Sorry, I didn’t make it. But that’s ok,” Kelly would say with a rye smile.
Yes, the answer is gum. Here’s how our reward system works: if he produces urine in the toilet in the morning, after his morning juicing, he receives a half-stick of Extra brand sugarless bubble gum. If he stays dry he can continue chewing and chomping all-day long. I don’t care. It’s the classic win-win in my book. If he pees in his pants or pull-ups, he is required to surrender the gum. He hates spitting out his gum, so he takes the time to sit and squirt. He can then earn another piece by peeing in the toilet, not in his undies.
The system is not fool proof but the gum seems to act as a both an incentive and provides a constant reminder that he needs to stay dry by visiting the potty. By using the gum plan Kelly has finally made a huge leap in the last week staying, mostly, dry at home. Now we just need to figure out how to coax him into dropping a duce on the throne, rather than waiting for naptime to do his business in his pull-up. Oh, and he won’t pee in a toilet outside our house: not at school, not at a friend’s house, the museum, and certainly not at a Conoco station with an anonymous fellow traveler making ghastly spurting sounds and spewing gnarly smells from the adjacent stall.
This horrific gas station bathroom scenario confronted Kelly on our New Years visit to our friends’ who live in the cozy mountain town of Eagle. Anticipating a pit stop along the way, I packed Kelly’s little potty seat in the boot. As I slapped it down on the toilet in the cramped, grimy stall, grunts and squirting sounds erupted from the neighboring head. Kelly stood frozen, assessing the situation for a moment, eyes darting between the other commode and what he must have feared to be his tiny torture camber. Sensing his unmistakable distress, I calmly said, “Hop on Kelly.”
Kelly replied in the negative by jogging in place while squealing, “No, no, no, noooo.”
We retreated to the minivan without doing our business and pressed on. The gas station situation must have scared the piss out of Kelly because he was still dry when we arrived in Eagle, another hour drive down the highway. Way to go Kelly! Our boy is making progress.
